Hey fine DrawTogether GUT friends.
Thank you all so much for your kind notes about Suso’s passing, and sharing your drawings, photos and stories about the animals you’ve loved and lost. While nothing makes losing a pet easier, sharing it with people who understand makes it a little less lonely. If you haven’t seen all the wonderful drawings in the chat, grab a Kleenex and check out the weekly GUT members gallery, and the curated selection of drawings at the bottom of this dispatch. ❤️
This week i’m diving into to something that is equally personal and universal, but a little less teary.
Perfectionism, Part 2.
I’ve written at length about our old friend perfectionism here on the DrawTogether GUT before. It’s a subject near and dear to my overachieving heart.
Wendy: My name is WendyMac, and I’m a perfectionist.
GUT: Hiiii WendyMac.
A few weeks ago, I listened to an interview with the author and researcher Thomas Curran about his new book The Perfection Trap. I immediately bought it.
I was excited to read Curran’s book through the lens of drawing. I wondered: what might this book tell us about what motivates us to draw, or stops us from starting to draw? How does perfectionism impact how we judge the process and outcomes of our drawing? How we can be more at peace with ourselves and our artwork?
I gobbled it up in a couple days, and was not disappointed. It’s great. An approachable and easy read, it offers concrete takeaways and larger social theories and frameworks we can apply to our lives and beyond.
A lot of what Curran writes about complements the piece I wrote before about perfectionism, so I think it’s worth sharing here and considering what we can learn and apply to our lives - both personally and creatively.
The Perfectionist Trap
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionist narrative: According to Thomas Curran, perfectionism isn’t just a character quality. It’s an entire world view. Perfectionism is a deep down feeling that we are never enough, and that we could always do and be better. As a result, we live in a perpetual state of deficit, always feeling bad about ourselves and/or others.
Perfectionist’s behavior: By trying to make things perfect, we attempt to alleviate the shame we feel about that perceived deficit. We are terrified that we will be seen for who we really are and that we will be judged for it. Our standards are so high that we work around the clock - or else we procrastinate and never start on things in the first place to avoid any failures. Because if we did do less than we expected, the secret would be out: we aren’t all that after all.
Ugh.
Maybe you relate to some of that. Maybe all of it. Maybe none. Though I’d be surprised if none, honestly, because as Curran point out (and this is in contrast to some earlier research on perfectionism) these high expectations are the air we breath.
Where does perfectionism come from?
According to Curran, these massive expectations for improvement and growth are pushed on us not only by family or genetics, but primarily a society that requires us to always be more, want me, to grow and grow. If a capitalist system doesn’t continue to grow, the entire thing falls apart.
Messages from advertising, work, and even in education with the much heralded “growth mindset” tell us that we should always be striving to do better, do more, create better - and if we do grow and get better, we will be better people. And therefor rewarded with more love and respect.
OOF.
This is one of the reasons why there are such skyrocketing levels of perfectionism and its bedfellows anxiety and depression found in young people today. Two words: Social. Media.
OOF. OOF.
Personally, I think our characteristics are a combination of nature and nurture. But everything Curran offers resonates deeply with me. How about you? Do you see feel like these forces influence the standards you hold yourself to? How about others?
What are the different types of perfectionism?
While the earlier piece I wrote cited an Oxford research review about the three types of perfectionism (adaptive, maladaptive and non-perfectionist) Thomas Curran’s research has found a different set of three categories for perfectionists that I find equally true, and even more illuminating:
Self-Oriented Perfectionism = Perfectionism directed at the self, the sense that “I must be perfect at everything, all the time.”
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism = The sense that other people expect you to be perfect
Other Oriented Perfectionism = Directed outwards, the belief that others should be perfect
You might see yourself if one of these, or a combination of all three. If you imagine these are a Venn diagram, those of us who are in the middle will probably feel a huge amount of shame for all the perceived deficits we have. How do we cover that up or compensate? With a lots of work, or ton of avoidant self-sabotaging behaviors.
Curran’s book goes into specific world views and behaviors about each type of perfectionism, and how they impact our lives, relationship and mental health, so if you see yourself in any of these, I certainly recommend reading the book.
So what can we do about it?
Be “Good Enough.”
Curran suggests the antidote to perfectionism is “good enough.” Imagine what it would feel like to think of the most tender, insecure parts of yourself and instead of saying “I can always be better,” instead think to yourself and truly feel “I am good enough.”
Seriously. Stop and take a breath, and think of a quality you are particularly hard on yourself around. Now take another breath and say to that quality, “You are enough.” And say to yourself, “I am good enough. Inside this body, this heart, this mind, this community, this culture, this world, I am good enough.”
The very concept of “enough” puts the kibosh on the idea that we need to always be better, to be more, to keep growing without end. It disrupts the system from the inside out.
What is a “Good Enough” drawing?
Of course all of this makes me think about drawing, and how perfectionism is this thing that plays out so “perfectly” on the drawing table. it’s like a lab for addressing these issues, playing with them, and seeing what we can do to let go of them.
My questions about perfectionism and drawing: What stops us from drawing? What keeps us going when things get rough? What makes us start again after a long time away? What is a “good enough” drawing? Could it be better? Maybe. Could it be worse? Maybe. What is a good enough artist??
I think a good enough drawing is a drawing that was made with the focus on the experience of making the drawing instead of the focus being put on expectations around the outcome. The experience we have making a drawing, the unexpected moves and mistakes and surprise gifts and all, leads us to this image we have on the page. Just as artists, with every breath we’ve taken, every decision we’ve made, every person we’ve loved and let love us, has taken us to this moment right now, to this drawing. It is not perfect. Far from it. But my god, with all our hearts, we’ve tried. I want to believe we are good enough.
The Practice of Making “Good Enough” Drawings
As you all know by now, I think we learn things by doing them with our bodies, with PRACTICE, not just reading and thinking about them. And so, this week, i’m offering us the opportunity to deliberately create GOOD ENOUGH DRAWINGS. We will see how they feel to do, and how we feel about what we’re left with, and how we feel about ourselves when we do them.
And if they are helpful at all to do, perhaps they will shift our bigger perfectionism a little bit at a time, away from “I can always be better” to “I am good enough.”